During the holidays, we tend to think that everyone is happy and joyous, surrounded by family and friends. But often the opposite is true. The holidays can be a time where the lack of support, family connectedness or friendship is magnified the most. Dealing with loneliness during the holidays can be difficult, but below are six ways you can cope with the holiday blues.

1. Be kind to yourself—It might seem like the selfish thing to do, but really taking care of you can be selfless as well. We have all heard you can’t pour from an empty cup. Well, it’s true. It’s always good to have something to look forward to, even if that’s a cup of tea in your PJs at night while you read a book. Self-care doesn’t have to be bubble baths and facemasks, it can be anything that brings you joy. It doesn’t have to be big things either, even micro breaks as small as 3 minutes pushed away from the work desk with your eyes closed breathing can make a difference. Checking in with yourself on what you need is important to do.

2. Connect where you can—During the holidays you may have extra opportunities for connections. Send out a holiday card, make an extra phone call, let those neighbors know their lights look great, or call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. They might be feeling lonely as well, and having someone reach out to them might help you both feel more connected. 

3. Focus on what you have control over—Think of all your energy for the day as a gas tank. As you move through each item on your to-do list, you use up energy (or gas). What you want to focus on is only using gas on things for which you have control over and not on those situations or areas for which you don’t. That includes what we think about. How much energy are you wasting thinking about old things you can’t change? That doesn’t leave you a lot of gas to work on the things you can change or positively affect. That family feud that has been going on for the past 20 years and that always seems to ruin the holiday gathering doesn’t have to steal up your energy. Instead, try to identify the level of control you have in the issue and make your decisions based on that. This might include how long you plan to stay in the situation or if you want to go at all. It is okay to make a decision that will limit your interactions with toxic situations.

4. Know that you are not alone in feeling lonely—Many people, for many different reasons, feel lonely during the holidays. We often wish that the holidays could be something out of a movie, where everyone comes together for a fight-free night of food and fun. The reality is, families are often split geographically, don’t always get along, or have other limitations that can’t make this want come true. And that’s okay! Try reaching out to a friend or family member that you do feel close with, and talk with them about your feelings and how you like to be connected with them.

5. Be careful with expectations—Just like previously mentioned, our actual life often isn’t what hallmark movies are made of, so be careful of perfectionist expectations. The turkey might not come out just right or the cat might knock over the holiday decorations right after you finish them—those things happen. Be patient with yourself and don’t be the one to put on the pressure.

6. Give to others—A great way to connect with others is to give your time through volunteering. The holidays often present more opportunities through your place of worship, JFS Orlando, other non-profits, soup kitchens or homeless shelters—take the opportunity to give back to your community. If you don’t have the opportunity with time, you can find other ways to volunteer or give back even with your own family. Maybe there’s a family member who could use help babysitting to get some last minute shopping done, or some help putting up decorations, or even help getting something to the post office. Small acts of kindness can really lighten up someone’s day.

If you start to feel lonely this holiday, just remember these few tips to still enjoy the festive season and even use it as an opportunity to take care of yourself and connect with new or old friends.

And if you are still feeling overwhelmed, always know that JFS Orlando has professional counselors who can help in a safe, confidential, and caring environment. JFS accepts Medicare, Medicaid, most commercial insurances, and even provides a sliding fee scale to clients who qualify. To schedule an appointment, call 407-644-7593 ext. 247 or email Ashlyn.Douglass-Barnes@JFSorlando.org today!


Author: Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes, LCSW

Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes, LCSW is the Clinical Therapist Supervisor and a licensed clinical social worker at JFS Orlando. Ashlyn has worked in a variety of settings including outpatient community based mental health, inpatient/admission psychiatric hospital, substance abuse/DUI, dialysis/medical, and in home/office outpatient therapy.