Valentine’s Day is upon us once again. This time of year can bring out many emotions in people, both positive and negative. Even being with someone can bring up feelings of disappointment, despair, and regret. Here are some survival tips for dealing with difficult emotions surrounding Valentine’s Day.

1. Be honest about your feelings.

For some, this holiday brings on a vast array of emotions—sadness, loneliness, irritation, disappointment, regret, envy, but also positive emotions like happiness, closeness, joy, and connection. Be honest with all of those feelings. Oftentimes trying to suppress feelings makes them come out when you least expect it. Try expressing them verbally or even expressing them through creative means, such as art, movement, song, or written word.

2. Don’t isolate.

Isolation and just ignoring the day completely may seem like a good coping skill, but inevitably you will run across a co-worker receiving a bouquet of flowers, a grocery store brimming with colorful, heart-shaped goodies, or even a surprise proposal. Instead, grab a friend, go out, and enjoy yourself. It’s perfectly alright to celebrate “Galentine” or “Palentine” Day with friends. Not all businesses celebrate Valentine’s Day. Laser tag anyone? It’s important to remind yourself that having a mate doesn’t define your worth and that depriving yourself doesn’t change the situation.

3. Be more assertive with your needs.

For example, do you really want to receive a gift? For many of us, there is a lot of anxiety and mixed feelings regarding gift giving and receiving. Just remember to listen to your partner to get ideas, hints, or feedback surrounding gifts. If a gift isn’t important to you but time spent with your partner is, tell them that. Or if it’s the opposite, that’s okay too. If we aren’t assertive or clear with our needs we are more likely to be frustrated or disappointed when they aren’t met, despite knowing that our partner isn’t a mind reader. Assertiveness isn’t confrontation—assertiveness can be a suggestion, “Would you consider we…”, or it can be more direct, “I was thinking this year we would…”.

4. Take some time for yourself. 

Either with your partner or without, it’s important to take time for yourself so you can be more present with others. Time with yourself doesn’t have to be bubble baths or long walks on the beach. It can be anything you personally enjoy or want to spend your time on.

5. Show your love year-round.

Remember to not just celebrate the love for your partner or for others on Valentine’s Day. Spread it throughout the year. Even small gestures of affection or acknowledgement can go a long way.

Many people view Valentine’s Day as a day that will make or break your relationship or as just another corporate holiday solely focused on couples in love, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Seize this day as an opportunity to show some self-love, spend time with friends and family, or as a building-block for an honest and open relationship with your significant other.

Managing emotions in a relationship or on our own can be hard, but JFS Orlando licensed counselors are here to help. Trained in a variety of areas, including codependency, self esteem, and marital and premarital therapy, counselors can meet with you one-on-one or as a couple. JFS accepts Medicare, Medicaid, most commercial insurances, and even provides a sliding fee scale to clients who qualify. To schedule an appointment, call 407-644-7593 ext. 247 or email Ashlyn.Douglass-Barnes@JFSorlando.org today!


Author: Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes, LCSW

Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes, LCSW is the Clinical Therapist Supervisor and a licensed clinical social worker at JFS Orlando. Ashlyn has worked in a variety of settings including outpatient community based mental health, inpatient/admission psychiatric hospital, substance abuse/DUI, dialysis/medical, and in home/office outpatient therapy.